If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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