You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Randomize
