When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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