you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
