ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
