Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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