a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
