you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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