while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
