omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
