He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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