My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
