I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
