Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
