I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
