I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
