Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
