my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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