I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize