Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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