just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
