if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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