All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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