if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
