here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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