If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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