Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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