Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
