i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
