Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
