Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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