Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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