Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i need some magic done to my vagina
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
