Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
