Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
