you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize