I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
