omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've blown a few things in my day
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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