um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize