come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
