I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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