Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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