Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sex in a hospital.. check
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
