You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
