It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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