we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
