Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
