So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
