its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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