something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
