Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
