I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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