somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
