I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
