I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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