I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
