i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
