I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
