She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So much rum. So many feels.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
