You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
