he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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