just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
