woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
