I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
