just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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