May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
