Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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