I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
