I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
