so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
