Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got inside last night via doggy door
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
