Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Green mimosas i think yes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
