We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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